Tonight the Penguins (21-7-5) make their first trip to Columbus to take on the red hot Blue Jackets (21-5-1) since March 11th of last season when HBK was born, thanks to a freak injury involving star Evgeni Malkin. The Blue Jackets have won ten straight games, which is weird. When I think John Tortorella and CBJ, I think losing and failure. Tonight, the Blue Jackets will go for 11 straight and points in 13 straight games.
For the first time in a long while, I'm looking forward to playing the Jackets. I'm sure their fans are planning their parade route, considering they haven't seen success like this in a long time, but hey good for them. I want so hard to be able to root for the Jackets but then I stare at their roster. Brandon Dubinsky. Jack Johnson (checks bank account balance after mentioning his name). Dalton Prout. Boone Jenner. Scott Hartnell.
Now let's think back to the past real quick. Brandon Dubinsky is legit a trash bag of a hockey player. Watch the video below.
This is just one of many reasons as to why Brandon Dubinsky is trash. There are many others too and him and Sid have a long history.
Jack Johnson. He's just broke. His parents took all of his money, and it's hilarious. No word on if his contract is loaded with incentives or not. You'd have to think after winning ten straight games, Jack Johnson may be able to afford a beer at a dive bar. Probably not though.
Dalton Prout. Prout injured Malkin last year in a freak accident along the boards, little did we know it'd be a blessing in disguise but that's not the point. However, there is one incident that sticks out in my mind that involved Prout and former scrub Penguin Sergei Plotnikov. Look at these photos and get mad.
Boone Jenner. That knee on knee hit with Evgeni Malkin last year made me mad, I'm not going to lie.
Last but not least, Scott Hartnell.
I'll be honest, Hartnell hasn't done anything against the Penguins in a Blue Jackets jersey, but I still get mad because he played for the Flyers for so long and made me mad for that long. Time doesn't always heal.
Nonetheless, I hope these few reminders have now pumped you up for this game. I'll be honest, if CBJ wins I won't be mad. Here's the thing: It's a big game for both teams, but as we saw last season, you don't need to get hot until the second half of the year. Plus, I'm still enjoying my Stanley Cup hangover. Hell, if I ever saw Jack Johnson in public, I'd buy him a beer and celebrate with him.
Murray in net for the Penguins (morning skate not official but I'm going with it because YOLO).
Bobrovsky in net for the Jackets.
*Stripes will be updated closer to game time, probably not though.*
Jack Johnson is poor.
Seriously, he's very poor.
Apparently Cam Atkinson (Jackets forward and team leader in points) was seen in a walking boot following their shootout victory over the Kings.
No word on if he's playing tonight but he's been good this season. In 30 games, he has 14 goals, 19 assists for 33 points.
CBJ has points in 12 straight games.
The Penguins have outscored opponents 21-3 in the third period of December games (10 games).
The winner of tonight's game will jump to first in the Metrosexual Division (for a night or so).
The Blue Jackets power play is currently the best in the league, led by rookie defenseman Zach Werenski.
They're clicking at an astounding 27.1% (23/85).
Per Jason Mackey of the PG, in their last 15 starts Murray and Bobrovsky have combined to let in just 23 goals. Murray 191/202, Bobrovsky 190/202.
Per Bob Grove, the Penguins are 65-4-1 in games when Crosby and Malkin both score. Pray to God they both score tonight.
Jaromir Jagr tied Mark Messier in points with 1,887 points. We heard his situation in Florida is up in the air, so we're bringing back #JagrWatch.
If you've been on #JagrWatch with us before, know this is a marathon not a sprint. So we're in it for the long haul.
Truly we never gave up on #JagrWatch. We've just had to be more realistic over the last year and a half.
Defenseman Chad Ruhwedel should slot back into the third defensive pairing tonight, barring a miraculous recovery by Trevor Daley. To be honest, Ruhwedel looked better than Derrick Pouliot and it took just 30 seconds to do so.
Dubinsky should be shadowing Sid all night so watch for our tweets on @PensOfAnarchy. We may get mad, you may either hate us or love us, but there's no doubt we're gonna be mad on the Internet tonight.
Are you mad yet?
Friendly reminder: The Salvation Army is cool, but if you see someone who resembles Jack Johnson, don't be fooled. Don't give to him.
Do it. Go Pens.
Old Posts from our site, heyyyyyfannnssss (4/11-2/15). Cute name, but impossible to remember.