If you're reading this, that means you have two things Jack Johnson cannot afford: a cell phone, and/or internet. Tonight, the Quest to go Back to Back begins at PPG Paints Arena as the Penguins play host to the Columbus Blue Jackets. This is the 11th straight playoff appearance for the Penguins and the 3rd ever playoff appearance in Columbus Blue Jackets history. The Blue Jackets are 2-8 in playoff games all time (swept by Detroit in ??? and lost in 6 to the Pens in 2014). Good news for the Penguins as Matt Murray is good to go tonight as he isn't injured and Evgeni Malkin will return to the lineup tonight. Trevor Daley is playing as well so the band is getting back together. Carl Hagelin is close to returning as well. On the Columbus side, they get Zach Werenski back tonight. Apparently Zach Werenski is good? No clue.
Jack Johnson spent the morning skate today standing on 5th Ave during rush hour trying to collect money to be able to afford his pre-game meal tonight at McDonalds. Brandon Dubinsky was also seen at the Western Pennsylvania Humane Society beating the piss out of innocent dogs. While writing this, I just remembered that Scott Hartnell plays for the Blue Jackets and I am now mad. We will all be at the game tonight so stop in and say hi. We might say hi back but we're gonna be jammed up so who knows. Be ready to run through a wall when the jam siren goes off. Make sure you make as many Jack Johnson and 5th Line jokes as possible.
Matt Murray will start for Pittsburgh
Evgeni Malkin will return
Carl Hagelin skated again today.
Everyone is probably day to day
Be ready to die on every shot on goal
Brandon Dubinsky punches babies
Jack Johnson can't afford McDonald's
Boone Jenner is a dick
Torts is gonna have you jammed 5 minutes into the game
It's good to play a game that actually means something.
The Pirates game isn't on Root so look for jammed up Pirates fans on twitter
Scott Hartnell is a Holocaust Denier
Cam Atkinson just came back from the midget parade
Just remembered Francois St. Laurent is reffing tonight and I am again mad
Whatever routine you did last year, do that shit again
I'm fired up
If you're not any of these, go watch the Pirates game (OH WAIT)
Do The God Damn Thing
Old Posts from our site, heyyyyyfannnssss (4/11-2/15). Cute name, but impossible to remember.