Friends, loved ones, and fellow Western Pennsylvanian's we gather here today to celebrate the life that was the 2017-2018 Philadelphia Flyers. Before we begin I have just one question for all of you. Have you ever seen the Flyers win the Cup? I know I haven't. But you know who has? Kate Smith. And just like that ugly dirt squirrel Kate Smith, the Flyers are dead and for another year will not win the Stanley Cup. In a series that probably could have ended in four games had it not been for a super-human effort from Brian Elliott in game two the Penguins put the Flyers in a casket, slammed it shut, and lit it on fire yesterday afternoon in Philadelphia. In typical Philly fashion, the wonderful people of Philadelphia decided they were going to waste perfectly good beer and hurl them at the ice because Sean Couteoifafsdfbs doesn't know how to fuckin' skate. Instead of you know, playing hockey, Coutwoiefhwefhbc thought he'd throw himself at Kris Letang and apparently that should have been a penalty. But alas, it was not and the Penguins scored about three seconds later because the league favors the Penguins. When it became evident the Penguins would be playing the Flyers in the first round of the playoffs you'd be lying to yourself if you didn't flashback to the series of 2012. An ultimate low point in Penguins history. You know who didn't forget about that 2012 series? Sidney Crosby and it was evident throughout this series. Crosby compiled 13 points and beat the ever living piss out of the Flyers with that baton Giroux had for about two weeks. Speaking of the best player ever for two whole weeks Claude Giroux, what a phenomenal series he had. Giroux compiled a whopping 1 goal and 2 assists and was an incredible minus 10 giving him the victory in the Greater Pennsylvania Open.
The Green Jacket ceremony brought a tear to everyone's eye. The rest of the leader board behind Giroux looked like this:
Huge shout out to @DavidBastl on twitter for the phenomenal work on keeping track of the Greater Pennsylvania Open leaderboard.
Not appearing on that leaderboard are Jakub Voracek and Wayne Simmonds. This isn't surprising since neither of them appeared throughout the entire series either. But just for fun let's see how they did. Wow. No clue how we missed Voracek this series. He had an astonishing three assists this series with 0 goals and was a minus 3. Wayne Simmonds had an even better series if you can believe it! He tallied an incredible two assists and added 0 goals! This series going six games is probably a blessing for those of you who despise this orange and black rejects like we do. The Flyers winning in game five hopefully saved Dave Hakstol's job so we can continue to watch the Flyers flounder in mediocrity for years to come. We would now like to take this time to celebrate the life of Radko Gudas. Two times this series he was directly responsible for the Penguins laying the smackdown on the Flyers. Not only did Gudas have an absolutely brutal turnover that lead to the Penguins tying game six at 4 and ultimately burying the Flyers in the process, he is such a good hockey player that he tore Sean COurfhsfnksdnas MCL in practice between games three and four. What a superstar. It wouldn't have mattered if Coutruioshnkdfnals had played in game four anyways. The Flyers showed as much life as Kate Smith in that game. However, thank you Radko Gudas. Keep being you buddy. The Penguins, and pretty much anyone that will ever play the Flyers appreciate you. The Flyers goalie situation was probably one of the more hilarious parts of this series. They Flyers started with Brian Elliott. He got lit up. They went to Petr Mrazek for a period. He got lit up. They went back to Elliott. He got lit up again. Michael Neuvirth saved the day in game five but eventually let up seven goals with with his teams season on the line. Also, Sidney Crosby scored on every goalie the Flyers used in this series.
In the end the Flyers were no match for the Penguins. The Penguins scored 28 goals in their six game series against the Flyers. That averaged out to 4.6 goals per game. In their four wins, they averaged 6.3 goals a game. There was a time where the Penguins couldn't beat the Flyers and couldn't beat the Flyers in Philly. My how times have changed. It is now here where we will put the 2017-2018 Philadelphia Flyers to rest. You had a memorable run in the playoffs Philly. But now it is time. For you. To REST. IN. PEACE.
Old Posts from our site, heyyyyyfannnssss (4/11-2/15). Cute name, but impossible to remember.