Good thing the Penguins scored eight goals last night…
even though the Capitals scored seven.
Derrick Pouliot is doing better in Wilkes Barre?
Oh, good to know.
Let’s examine our ‘fix’ on defense:
The good: Scouting reports on him are still golden, and there’s probably an idiot or two among the GMs of the league who think he’ll be good one day. Certainly trade-able.
Derrick Pouliot doesn’t care if he drives drunk.
Derrick Pouliot doesn’t care if the opposing team’s offense flies right by him.
Derrick Pouliot doesn’t care that Bush did 9/11, man never landed on the moon, or that taxation is theft.
Derrick Pouliot doesn’t care what all the buzz was about with Harambe.
Derrick Pouliot just doesn’t give a shit.
Most GMs have eyes and a brain, and Pouliot’s value is reaching Beau Bennett lows, which sucks as bad as the ‘Generation X’ Pens because the Pens wouldn’t include Pouliot—and not Despres—in the deal that would have sent Ryan Kesler to the Penguins. While in hindsight that might have worked for the Pens, the point remains that opposing GMs once highly valued Pouliot.
So where to go from here? How about trade options?
The good: Hamilton has underachieved in Calgary. When Boston traded him, everybody thought it was another Thornton/Kessel/Seguin type of trade… but a strong player hasn’t panned out in a weak organization. Go figure. The Penguins have a way about reviving the careers of fallen stars.
Derrick Pouliot and Dougie Hamilton are both underachieving defenseman. What separates them? Pouliot doesn’t have a sense of urgency. Hamilton doesn’t have a soul.
If a trade happens, every sports section headline in the 412 area code will be “Teach Me How to Dougie”-related. Ugh. It’ll be as bad as the “Jussi that?” tweets every time Jussi Jokinen scored. Still don’t know why we didn’t keep that dude. He was fast and scored a lot, but whatever.
JACOB TROUBA, disgruntled Jets defenceman who thinks that Winnipeg is too damn cold.
He’s a stellar defenseman who wanted traded.
The bad: Wanted is a past-tense verb. He signed a bridge-type deal with Winnipeg this offseason.
Trading for a top-pairing defenseman with a three-million dollar cap hit is like finding Justin Schultz’s missing tooth. Won’t happen. If it does, it won’t be the Penguins, who don’t have the pieces to make it happen.
KEVIN SHATTENKIRK, the biggest fish on the list IMO
He’s a popular defenseman long-linked to the New York Rangers. It would be great to hear Steiggy and Bob fumble usages of “Shat.”
The bad: $4.3m cap hit, bro. He’ll be a top deadline target, and the Penguins probably won’t overpay for his services.
There’s no real ugly, because this one just isn’t happening. Period.
TYSON BARRIE, the player that GMJR could trick Joe Sakic into trading a half-eaten Pitts-Burgher for.
Tyson makes great microwaveable chicken products. Barrie is a solid offensive defenseman who is young, cost-controlled, and is projected to have an illustrious career. The Avs are looking for young D, and notable player-turned-GM (hey Nieuwendyk) Joe Sakic might value Derrick Pouliot based on bad deals the Avs have made before. Sakic isn’t quite a rocket surgeon.
The Avs are looking for young defense, so why the hell are they open to trading Barrie?
Barrie would almost certainly command a bidding war… The Pens shouldn’t be interested in dealing more high draft picks.
CAM FOWLER, Anaheim Duck whose name suggests that he also could play for a team called the Penguins.
He’s certainly capable of eating top-pairing minutes. Anaheim loves trading away quality product at wholesale.
He’s the Joe’s Crab Shack of defensemen: You hear about him, there’s this following around him being stellar, he costs more than the other guy, and he ends up giving you less even though you paid more. If a Fowler trade were a Trump tweet, it’d end with “Sad.”
The Ducks could probably be convinced (based on previous trades) to deal either Lindholm or Vatanen, both better and younger than Fowler.
PAUL MARTIN, former Penguins top-pairing D-man. Something called the Paul Martin Powerball once happened.
The good: Martin has been a healthy scratch. Meaning either he’s cooked, or that he doesn’t fit in the style of play that the Sharks play. Even at his age, I’m betting the latter.
Martin is older now.
Paul Martin’s hockey IQ and vision, rather than speed, were his strong suit.
MICHAEL STONE, Arizona Coyotes defenseman. Bad fancy stats player. Worss team in hawkeh.
He’s an Arizona Coyote who has been linked to the Pens. Eric Fehr and B-level prospect could get this trade done.
He’s a depth defenseman. He’s also really tall, which usually hinders speed. And he’s a Coyote.
He’s an Arizona Coyote who has been linked to the Pens.
GABRIEL LANDESKOG, not a defenseman but LOL who needs defense when you net 20 a game
After 11 years, Sidney Crosby could finally have an all-star winger. Also, it would probably send Olli Maatta to Colorado. After the Capitals game, that’s a plus. The Pens would score 20 goals every game.
The Pens would probably give up 21 goals.
Rhyming “Kog” with “Crosby” would be the hill that Paul Steigerwald would die on. Nobody deserves that.
Trade deadline in a little over a month.
Old Posts from our site, heyyyyyfannnssss (4/11-2/15). Cute name, but impossible to remember.