The Penguins lost 10-1 last night in Chicago. Yeah.
If you woke up today and you're still struggling to grasp how the Penguins let in 10 goals, or you're livid about the loss, I have a little bit of advice that I'll share at the end of this post.
But first, the actual game.
(GIF credit to DK Pittsburgh Sports)
Patrick Kane hasn't dished out a backhand like that since his last taxi ride. Like that taxi driver, it was pretty much all downhill for the Penguins after that goal.
Brandon Saad got a hat trick. The Blackhawks scored 10 goals and somehow Jonathan Toews didn't record a point. So, yeah.
Phil scored the Penguins' lone goal, coming on the powerplay, so that's great and all.
Anyway, yeah. Where do we go from here? If you think this is the end of the Penguins' season, the place you should go from here is probably off the internet. I have no idea how the Penguins will possibly recover over the next 80 regular season games.
If you're upset about this loss, here's what you can do with your feelings about the game:
Take those feelings, and put them in a box.
Get up, grab your car keys, walk out to the garage, get in the car and start it up.
I know you're thinking I'm going to advocate that you just sit in your car with the garage door shut and let the carbon monoxide kill you; but that's not where I'm heading with this.
Now, open the garage door and drive to your nearest Walmart.
Go inside and head to the grocery section.
Grab some cake and any other comfort foods that you may need. After losing 10-1, you deserve to #TreatYoSelf.
After you get everything you need, take it up to the register and pay for it. Or just walk out with it if you feel like livin' on the edge.
After you leave the store, put everything in your car and return the shopping cart. That last part is vital. Don't be a fucking dickhead and leave the shopping cart in the middle of parking lot.
Now, before you head back home, stop at the nearest dollar store or anywhere that sells cleaning supplies. You can even go back in Walmart if you want.
Once you go wherever you're going to get cleaning supplies, all you need to do is go inside and grab some Clorox bleach.
Take it up to the cashier and pay for it. Or, again, if you want to shoplift, be my guest.
Now, get in your car and head home.
Once you get home, park the car and walk inside.
Don't forget the supplies you bought.
Now, take that cake and sit it on the kitchen table.
Grab the nearest shot glass out of the cabinet.
Put that shot glass next to the cake, and fill it to the brim with that Clorox bleach.
Now, grab that shot glass, lift it up...
...and pour the bleach all over that cake you bought.
Remember that box I told you to put your feelings about the 10-1 loss in?
Go grab that box and bring it in to the kitchen.
Take your feelings out of the box, and really take a minute or two to admire them.
Think about what the Penguins did Wednesday night before the Blues game.
Think about what they did back in June.
And the June before that.
If you're still mad about losing the second game out of an 82-game season, that's fine. I'm here to help.
Now, grab those feelings.
Pull it in reaaaaaaal tight.
Old Posts from our site, heyyyyyfannnssss (4/11-2/15). Cute name, but impossible to remember.